My name is Judene and I am single too. I have been this way for almost half of a decade, and often times I fret about my “condition”. My fretting does not come from my inability to be hitched, but because I am sometimes a little intimidated. I am not intimidated by couples and lovers, but rather, my heart palpitations occur when I am around other single people. Other single males. Instead of focusing on the matter at hand, I immediately start analysing him and me. How tall is he? How does he look? Is he funny or serious? Ignorant or smart? Haughty or down-to-earth? Or too loose? What’s his last name? Judene Hines-“him”. Sigh. Then if he matches my criteria somewhat, I start analysing myself: Do I look presentable? Am I being a total fool? Is he interested in me? Do I like him? Do I care to see him again? Then I find myself being forced to make a decision. “Should I go forward or stay right here?” Forward in this sense means, “Should I show my interest, or grab his?” Then I go home and start wondering. I then have prayer sessions like this:
“Lord, please show me a sign that I should make a move to show so-and-so something...I mean, to show him that I like him...But I can’t like him Lord. I don’t even know him. I don’t even know if You want me to like him. *loud sigh* Help me Jesus. Amen.”
Despite my wailings, these days I am learning how to be single. I am learning that singleness is a time to be all that I can ever be singularly. This is the time to take major risks. Do I want to go on that Student-work programme in Japan or France? This is the best time! Do I want to start a business or take up leadership roles? This is the best time. Being single does not mean that you should use all your energy to “find” that person. When people ask me if I haven’t found someone as yet, I just tell them “I didn't know that someone was lost and I needed to help find or rescue them.” Instead of finding your mate, singlehood is the time to find yourself. Do you know who you are? What do you absolutely like? What are your dreams? What hobbies are you just developing? What is your cholesterol level? Lol! :) Yes, you should know about yourself before you try to know others.
As you grow to know yourself, you will inevitably discover talents and thoughts you never knew that you had. You will want to develop yourself more, as you see all that you wish to become. You will love yourself more too. When you love yourself more, you will attract that person who will love you, for you. He or she will see your potential and your accomplishments. That person will find little in you that they would change, if anything. That person will grow with you to help you develop your dreams. Your dreams will be theirs too.
So friends, take your time to grow. Whether you have been single for a day or a decade, remember that each day you have is a blessing. Just like coupleship, singleness is beautiful.
By Judene Hines